I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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