I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
