I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
