you would pick up someone in the library
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone came in the potted fern
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
