at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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