just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
