You were right. It hurts to walk today.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
