i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
