morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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