she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
