If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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