apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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