I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
