my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
