she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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