Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
