i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
