I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
