Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
