i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
