Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
