My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
