Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
