the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
