whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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