zippers are such a cool invention
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
