AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I color on your dick again?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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