Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
