I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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