His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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