i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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