there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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