Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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