she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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