I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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