I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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