Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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