My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
