he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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