Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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