Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
