you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
