Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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