kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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