3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
