my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
