im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
