I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Small penises have feelings too.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
