I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
