What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
