I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
