i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
third nipple confirmed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
