I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
