Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
